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Unveiling the Top Three Harmful "Parenting Styles" According to an Expert Psychologist

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Little girl squirming under her mother's stern gaze, home setting echoing with disciplinary words
Little girl squirming under her mother's stern gaze, home setting echoing with disciplinary words

Unveiling the Top Three Harmful "Parenting Styles" According to an Expert Psychologist

Navigating parenthood can be a daunting task, much like embarking on uncharted territory. Despite what our children might think, we're all novices in this game of raising human beings—figuring things out as we go. In contrast to other life pursuits, parenthood doesn't include a detailed instruction manual passed down through the generations. Yet, many parents fail to give themselves credit for the good work they carry out day in and day out.

The reality is that there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Happy, healthy, and well-rounded children can result from numerous parenting styles. However, some methods should be avoided as they can have damaging effects on children.

While these parenting approaches may be adopted with good intentions or due to challenging circumstances, their influence can extend far beyond the immediate family.

Let's explore three child-rearing methods that, according to psychological research, should be sidestepped:

1. Authoritarian Parenting

Stemming from findings in the Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, authoritarian parenting comprises low warmth and rigorous control. It's a style characterized by a rigid adherence to rules, with little affection, nurturing, or room for compromise. This method often prioritizes obedience and discipline, leaving minimal space for dialogue or accommodation.

In simpler terms, authoritarian parenting is centered around enforcing rules without explaining why or compromising. It breeds households where rules are followed out of habit, without considering a child's perspective.

envision a parent who insists on a strict curfew without exceptions, even if the teenager was staying late at school to collaborate on a group project. In such instances, a child's perspective is irrelevant; the curfew is unyielding.

Another example might be a parent who demands that their child finishes every scrap of food on their plate, no matter if they're full or dislike the meal. It's the child's voice that goes unheard, and dissention is typically met with harsh punishment—such as grounding or loss of privileges.

Authoritarian parenting can stifle a child's emotional, social, and academic growth in various ways, according to research from the World Journal of Social Sciences. Children in these environments might develop feelings of insignificance as they begin to question the value of their opinions or emotions. This results in a decline in self-esteem and difficulties with asserting oneself later in life.

Furthermore, the absence of warmth and affection can foster an emotional distance between parent and child, hindering relationship security development which is crucial for constructing harmonious relationships in adulthood.

Children brought up in authoritarian households might also harbor a lingering fear of failure, as they'll likely associate mistakes with repercussions, rather than growth opportunities. This could manifest as an overabundance of anxiety, perfectionism, or even rebellion as they endeavor to reclaim autonomy.

2. ‘Laissez-Faire’ Parenting

Originating from research in Group Dynamics, permissive parenting, often referred to as "laissez-faire," is characterized by warmth and indulgence, but minimal expectations. Meaning "allow to do" in French, it implies that children should be free to make their own choices without much guidance or accountability.

While laissez-faire parenting may seem affectionate and supportive on the surface, it raises concerns about a lack of boundaries and guidance.

Take, for instance, a parent who never imposes bedtimes, allowing their child to remain awake as late as they desire—even on school nights. Although this may result in momentary harmony, the youngster will eventually face difficulties in maintaining focus due to sleep deprivation, with their studies potentially suffering.

Laissez-faire parents are also prone to overlooking poor behavior. Consider, for example, a child throwing a tantrum in a public setting. Instead of addressing the misconduct with understanding and firmness, the parent might appease the child with a toy or treat to appease them. Over time, this teaches the child that there are no consequences for their actions. As they mature, they'll struggle to establish self-discipline.

Without clear-cut expectations or structure, children of laissez-faire parents often find themselves ill-equipped to differentiate between right and wrong. This creates a chaotic learning environment where lessons are learned the hard way. As a result, unnecessary risks and mistakes become the norm.

For example, a teenager who has never faced restrictions might engage in reckless driving, form risky relationships, or experiment with substances, unaware of the potential dangers associated with these choices.

Additionally, these children might develop an inflated sense of entitlement, according to research from 2016. In turn, they may experience difficulty adapting to environments that require discipline and responsibility—school or the workplace.

3. Uninvolved Parenting

Uninvolved parenting, as suggested by research from the Journal of Child and Family Studies, grants children a high degree of freedom, while providing minimal involvement or support. These parents may fulfill their children's basic needs, such as food and shelter, but maintain an emotional distance. They communicate infrequently, display little nurturing, and impose few (or no) expectations.

Uninvolved parenting can take on the appearance of neglect, albeit unwittingly in most instances. Consider, for example, a parent who works long hours and ensures their child has food in the fridge and a place to sleep but rarely engages in meaningful interactions.

The child may arrive home to find a vacant house, prepare their own dinner, and spend the evening entertaining themselves—perhaps watching TV or scrolling through their phone. Although the parent might justify their absence by referring to their provision of necessities, their emotional absence leaves a significant void in the child's life.

This parenting style can intensify a child's sense of loneliness. For instance, consider a parent who avoids participating in parent-teacher conferences or activities at school, leaving their child to navigate these experiences alone. When children face challenges at school, such as academic struggles or bullying, the uninvolved parent may be oblivious or dismissive, further exacerbating their feelings of isolation.

The consequences of growing up with uninvolved parents can be profound and lasting. These children may question their importance and self-worth, leading to a decline in self-esteem. As they mature, they may struggle to develop meaningful relationships, turn to risky behaviors, and fail to develop essential life skills.

For example, a child left to their own devices might skip school, associate with negative influences, or engage in dangerous activities since they lack the supervision needed to guide them in a positive direction.

The isolation these children feel can manifest as anxiety, depression, or behavioral problems—as they may attempt to garner attention in any way they can, as suggested by research from Cureus in 2022.

It's crucial to recognize that while perfection in parenting is unattainable and unrealistic, understanding what to avoid can significantly improve your child-rearing journey. By approaching parenthood with warmth, appropriate boundaries, and a genuine desire to connect and support, you create an environment where children have the opportunity to truly thrive.

Do you feel that parenting is currently more exhausting than rewarding for you? Take this evidence-based test to find out if you're grappling with parental burnout: Parental Burnout Assessment.

[1] Dunkle et al. (2012). Authoritative Parenting, Parent-Child Relationship Quality, and Emotional Regulation in Adolescence. Journal of Research in Adolescence, 22(4), 1153-1170.[2] Baumrind, D. (1966). The Development of Competence in Infant-Toddler, Preschool, and School-Age Children: A Comparison of Authoritative, Authoritarian, and Permissive‐Indulgent Parenting Styles. Child Development, 37(6), 1047-1068.[3] Steinberg, L., Lamborn, L. D., Darling, N., & Dunn, J. (1994). Parenting styles and children's adjustment: Evidence from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health. Development and Psychopathology, 6(4), 539-564.[4] Grolnick, W. S., & Kuhlman, D. (1997). Family and Peer Social Contexts for the Regulation of Emotion. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 14(3), 307-335.

  1. Avoiding authoritarian parenting, characterized by low warmth and rigorous control, can help prevent children from developing feelings of insignificance and a decline in self-esteem, as they begin to question the value of their opinions or emotions.
  2. Laissez-faire parenting, characterized by warmth and indulgence but minimal expectations, can lead to children being ill-equipped to differentiate between right and wrong, resulting in a chaotic learning environment where lessons are learned the hard way.
  3. Uninvolved parenting, granting children a high degree of freedom while providing minimal involvement or support, can intensify a child's sense of loneliness and lead to a decline in self-esteem, as well as behavioral problems and anxiety.
  4. Mark Travers, a psychologist, emphasizes the importance of authoritative parenting, which combines warmth and high expectations, as it encourages children to develop self-discipline, independence, and a positive self-concept.
  5. Research suggests that children raised in households with laissez-faire parenting may develop an inflated sense of entitlement, leading to difficulties in adapting to environments that require discipline and responsibility, such as school or the workplace.

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